You know how when you’re wanting to go to the movie theater and you look up all the films that are showing and there are alway at least three that you’ve never heard of, let alone have any interest in seeing? Well, good news! I’ve seen those movies. I spend most of my theater experiences in art house theaters watching those movies that you’ve never heard of and then never watch. Yeah, I’m that hipster asshole. My goal with this is to spread information out about these films, that way you can decide one of the following. “That actually sounds pretty cool! I want to see that now!” or “Man, I’m glad I decided to go see the new superhero movie!”. So without further ado, here is my article and review of White Girl.

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This is the comedy of the year. I don’t care if it’s September and there are months where funnier or better comedy films could come out. Mel Brooks could release his magnum opus next week, and this would still be the funniest movie of the year. All of this because this film doesn’t want to be funny. This film wants to shock you with how dangerous and disgusting today’s youth culture is, but instead shocks you at how hilariously this film is misinformed.

White Girl follows a college freshman in New York who moves into a new neighborhood with her best friend and then falls into the drug scene of the outer limits of New York. But when her new drug dealer boyfriend gets arrested for possession, she fights to set him free! This film is ridiculous. The characters are both unlikable and stupid beyond belief. The acting is either fantastic or absolutely revolting, I honestly can’t tell. The big thing this film has going for it in terms of actual good filmmaking is that the cinematography isn’t atrocious. But let’s get into this because I literally can’t stop thinking about this film.

The main character is played by everyone’s least favorite part of Homeland, Morgan Saylor. I liked her in the beginning and toward the middle, but she just kept doing the same mistake over and over and over again that I really didn’t care about the character. You can tell that there was suppose to be this downward spiral of drugs and sex and abuse for her character. The only problem is that literally after becoming friends with the drug dealer next door, she light switches her behavior for the rest of the movie. Instead of a downward spiral, she just flipped over the railing and fell to the bottom in a matter of seconds. This makes me not really have any sympathy for the character later on in the film. I didn’t feel like she accidentally found herself in this horrible situation. If she hadn’t moved into this neighborhood, her character was so stupid that she probably would have accidentally stepped in front of bus thinking it was a big dog. The drugs didn’t mess up her life, her own lack of intelligence did.

The most likable and relatable character in this film is actually the drug dealer she befriends or dates. This might have something to do with the fact that he isn’t in the film all that much as he is in jail most of the film. But the glimpses we have of him show that he doesn’t want to be in this drug dealing world. He talks about getting out. You can tell in certain scenes that he is a good guy and in a bad situation. So why isn’t he the main character in this story? If we followed him I might actually care about the outcome. But instead we have bowling pin number three to follow instead. You might be able to argue that is the point. That this film is arguing something about racism and love or whatever. But based on what the writer/director had the characters do and act, I feel if that is in the film it was an accident.

Critics have been comparing this film to Kids by Larry Clark. I can see where this film might remind some of those aspects. I certainly could see those aspects as well. But the major difference is that in Kids there is this sense of knowing what they are doing is wrong. The kids are smart, they just made bad choices. You can understand where the characters are coming from. White Girl wants to be Kids, but doesn’t know why. White Girl wants to shock you, but doesn’t understand why the audience was shocked when Kids came out. Kids works because when the characters learn of their AIDS and how destroyed their lives are going to be now, the characters get it and act accordingly. The audience shares the thoughts and shock that the characters are feeling. White Girl talks down to the audience so much that it’s insulting. It makes the main character so stupid that whenever something happens there needs to be five additional minutes to explain what just happened. You don’t feel sorry for the characters in White Girl because it is so poorly written that despite Morgan Saylor doing the best acting I’ve seen her do, I have no sympathy for this character because I know this character doesn’t exist. There is no immersion when your main character is so poorly written that you know it would never happen in real life.

The only reason why this film isn’t a half star film is because of two reasons. One, the cinematography is actually kind of good. The color palette used throughout the film is nice and it does help the film in certain scenes. It’s nothing revolutionary, but anything that’s good is better than most in this film. The second reason is that half way through I just started watching it as a straight up comedy. The theater I saw this in was around half full and by the end of the film we were all belly laughing at the film. This isn’t what the filmmaker wanted, but this is the best reason to watch the film. Normally I will say that a film that tries to say something and fails is better than a film that doesn’t try to say anything at all. This film is the exception to that rule.

Do I recommend this film? God no. Never think I am recommend this film. Watch this film with your friends and laugh at how stupid this film is. You won’t be shocked like the director wants. But you probably haven’t seen anything like this, this year. A so bad it’s good type of film. The film is called White Girl because the main girl is white but also that a nickname for cocaine is “white girl”. That is where the subtlety ends in this film.