My wife often accuses me of getting movies on Blu-Ray/DVD, and watching them once and then leaving them on a shelf to collect dust. In an effort to prove her wrong and to also at the same time annoy her, I’ve decided to watch every episode of Family Guy I own. And I own all of them on DVD. All 16 seasons. Plus the Stewie movie and the Star Wars Parodies. I will also review watch episode and share my thoughts here. Each article will most likely be a different length due to not knowing how many I will watch at any given time. I will be watching them in order as well so this should be really fun for me, not my wife.

Season 2 Episode 17 “He’s Too Sexy for His Fat”

In an effort to help Chris become healthy and lose weight, Peter decides to have liposuction and plastic surgery, transforming the former slob into a sexy jerk.

Stewie also gets in on the action. He teases Chris about not being able to eat anything but healthy food and soon Stewie becomes overweight.

Lois meanwhile, has become disgusted with Peter’s behavior but finds herself more attracted to him than ever. When Lois asks Brian if this makes her a bad person, Brian replies, “Yes. Yes it does.”

Peter soon finds himself a member of Quahog’s Beautiful People’s Club. Peter takes Chris there and when Chris is denied admission to the club, instead of standing up for his son Peter leaves him outside, causing a rift between Lois and him.

A really funny episode that deals with being a shallow person and the consequences of those actions. Peter learns his lesson in this episode not by the pain he causes his family but only after he stares at himself in the rearview mirror of his car, causing him to crash and be ejected from his vehicle. Peter rolls down a hill crashes into a factory and lands into a vat of lard, which he drinks himself out of, restoring Peter to his former self.

Grade: A

Season 2 Episode 18 “E. Peterbus Unum”

Peter wants to build a swimming pool in his backyard, but soon learns that he can’t. Peter takes his issue to City Hall where Mayor Adam West informs him that Peter’s home is not a part of Quahog, in fact it’s not even a part of The United States.

Peter decides to start his own country named Petoria. After being humiliated at the United Nations, Peter receives advice that he should invade another country. Peter does this by invading his neighbor Joe’s back yard and taking his pool. President Bill Clinton imposes sanctions and threatens military force against Petoria. Peter refuses to surrender, and the standoff only ends after Lois defects to the United States and Peter realizes he can’t live without Lois.

Another really good Family Guy episode. Peter abusing his diplomatic immunity is a riot.

Grade: A

Season 2, Episode 19 “The Story on Page One”

Meg is attempting to get into college and at a college admission interview at Brown University Meg is told she is not “Brown material” because she lacks any extracurricular activities.

Meg decides to become a reporter and soon gets an exclusive interview with Mayor Adam West, where she learns that Mayor West is wasting taxpayer money on trying to figure out where water goes after he pours it into plants. Meg writes the story and plans to turn it in the next morning. Peter thinks the story isn’t sexy enough and changes it to “Luke Perry is Gay.” When Meg unknowingly turns in Peter’s made up story she is devasted, but even more devastated when she learns Luke Perry is suing her for libel.

Peter feeling guilty tries to catch Perry doing “gay” stuff. This doesn’t work and Peter confesses to Perry that he wrote the article and not Meg. Perry agrees to drop the lawsuit if Meg interviews him for real.

All this and Stewie is using Chris with a mind control device to get cookies and kill Lois.

Overall a really funny episode. Perry is game and has some really funny moments like reading every high school newspaper in America to see if he is mentioned. Some of the “gay” jokes are a little dated now, but they are still funny and since they come from Peter it gives the jokes no credibility at all.

Grade: A

Season 2, Episode 20 “Wasted Talent”

Lois as a piano teacher is constantly losing to her rival Alexis Radcliffe. She is desperate to find a student that will beat one of Alexis’.

Peter in the meantime is trying to find a golden ticket in a bottle of Pawtucket Pat beer. The winner gets a tour of the Pawtucket Pat Brewery. Peter does find the last one and is given a tour.

When Peter returns home drunk, he finds Meg chained to the piano, being forced to play it for Lois. Annoyed Peter sits down and plays the piano beautifully. Lois can’t believe it, she is even more stunned to find that Peter can only play the piano when he is drunk.

Lois decides that the only way to beat Alexis is to constantly have Peter intoxicated to play the piano.

A classic episode. Everything in this episode works. Lois jealousy is played for laughs when she and Alexis go to their OBGYN. The spot on parody of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and of course drunk Peter playing the piano with his “talent juice”. I laugh just thinking about this episode.

Grade: A+

Season 2, Episode 21 “Fore, Father”

After Peter ruins the Griffins home with a fire hose to get out of spring cleaning, he takes Chris on a camping trip. On the camping trip Peter believes he has been a bad father to Chris and offers any of his friends to become Chris’ new father, none take him up on the offer.

Chris eventually gets a job at a golf course where Peter sees that Cleveland Jr. is a great golfer. Seeing this as a chance to be a good father to someone Peter offers to coach Cleveland Jr. Cleveland agrees but tells Peter that he will not be able to control Cleveland Jr. because he is too hyper.

“Fore, Father” is an ok episode. It’s not a laugh a second like “Wasted Talent” so after watching them back to back it is a letdown. Laughs are to be had in this episode, just not as strong as other Family Guy episodes.

Grade: C+

Season 3, Episode 1 “The Thin White Line Pt. 1”

At a company picnic for employees of the Happy-Go lucky toys, the boss Mr. Weed offers a week paid vacation to the last person standing in a “hunt”. Mr. Weed starts shooting his employees with tranquilizer gun. Peter and another employee are the last ones standing, Peter however has numerous darts in his back and when the other employee expresses his concern to Mr. Weed he is shot, making Peter the winner.

The Griffins settle on a cruise, but before they go Brian is recognized by Joe for his incredible sniffing ability and offers Brian the job of a drug sniffing dog. Brian soon uses his ability to bust a guy carrying cocaine at the airport. After the cocaine spills on the floor Brian accidently sniffs it, becoming addicted.

Brian’s addiction spirals out of control, soon costing him his job. The Griffins stage an intervention for Brian who agrees to go to rehab. Peter now unable to go on a cruise decides to fake an addiction and joins Brian at the rehab facility.

When Brian leaves rehab he decides to go to Hollywood to start a career as a screenwriter.

A classic in every sense of the word. “The Thin White Line Pt. 1”, is a non-stop laugh out loud episode. We meet the Greased Up Deaf Guy, Peter steals the episode with his moronic behavior and the scenes in the rehab clinic are comedy gold.

Grade: A+

Season 3, Episode 2 “Brian Does Hollywood”

After setting out on his own in Hollywood, Brian learns that making it as screenwriter is not easy. Brian is rejected numerous times and reluctantly takes a job as an adult film director.

The Griffin’s get an opportunity to see Brian when Stewie wins an audition on Kids Say the Darndest Things, (this episode aired in 2001, and “Bill Cosby” is in the episode. It will definitely make you cringe seeing it, but of course a TV show is susceptible to its time it was released…but it still takes you out of the episode). So the Griffin’s head to Hollywood!

Brian worried about how the family will feel about his career hides it from them. Brian learns that he is up for an Adult Film award and is shocked to find Peter and Lois at the awards ceremony offering support.

Brian learns that he had everything he needed and returns to Quahog.

A good episode with the greatest cold opening in Family Guy history, “Brian Does Hollywood” is good not great. There are some really funny moments, but not quite as sharp as “The Thin White Line”.

Grade: B-

Season 3, Episode 3 “Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington”

Peter calls into work so he can go to the Boston Red Sox game. At the game Peter is busted by his boss Mr. Weed.

The next day Peter enters Mr. Weed’s office to explain himself and finds Mr. Weed crying. Peter is shocked to learn that not only will he not be fired for lying but that the toy factory has been purchased by El Dorado Cigarette Company.

The new bosses are shocked to learn that there is a new cigarette bill before congress and they choose Peter as their new President. Being president of the El Dorado Cigarette Company came with perks but, Stewie soon starts smoking causing Peter to reevaluate how great being the president of the company is.

After a slight miss with “Brian Does Hollywood” Family Guy delivers another classic episode. Instant quotable moments from the evil tobacco company and spot on parodies make this episode a winner. My favorite is when Peter calls into work and explains to Mr. Weed why he can’t make it in;

Peter: Mr. Weed, I can’t come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow.

Grade: A

Season 3 Episode 4 “One If by Clam, Two If by Sea”

Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire are shocked to learn that after a hurricane, Horace the owner of their favorite bar, The Drunken Clam has sold it. Not only has it been sold but it is now run by an English chap named Nigel Pinchley. Not taking the sale of their pub lying down the boys decide to start a new American Revolution. At first they try to infiltrate and harass the patrons at the pub, but are thwarted by the English’s amazing ability to speak.

They next hatch a plan to throw the beer being delivered to the pub into the sea, a la the Boston Tea Party. They boys wake up the next morning and learn the pub has burned down. Accused of the arson, Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire are thrown in jail.

Stewie meanwhile takes on a challenge of his own, that’s teaching Nigel’s daughter Eliza proper English.

Funny from start to finish, “One if by Clam, Two if by Sea” is a stellar episode. Family Guy is starting to move Stewie away from world domination and matricide and flesh out his character. Stewie is the strongest character in the episode even though he is not the A-story. Bonus points to the writers for squeezing in a “My Fair Lady” parody with Stewie and Eliza.

Grade: A

Season 3 Episode 5 ‘And The Wiener is…”

Peter loves beating his son Chris in all activities. After playing basketball in which Peter beats Chris, they take a sauna together. Peter is shocked to learn that Chris has a big penis and feels inadequate.

Peter soon enters a mid-life crisis, buys a sports car and joins the NRA.

Meg meanwhile joins the color guard after she isn’t allowed to join the cheerleaders because she’s not a cool kid like Connie D’Amico. Meg gets advice from Lois that she should just be nice to the cool kids and they will soon become her friends. It works. Meg is invited to Connie’s 16^th birthday party. At the party she gets picked to go into a closet and make out with Connie’s friend Doug. In the closet, Meg is tricked into kissing a pig. Embarrassed she runs away crying. Lois has a backup plan; enter Quagmire.

Another wiener, I mean winner from Family Guy. Jokes come fast and hard in this episode and most hit the mark. My favorite moment is Peter’s new sports car is a long phallic shaped car. He approaches a tunnel and drives in and out simulating sex. Peter, however does it one to many times and crashes it into another car, making it smaller. As he sits on the side of the road a bus full of bikini models drives by. To which Peter responds, “Ouch. My pride.”

Grade: A

Season 3 Episode 6 “Death Lives”

Peter is about to celebrate his anniversary with Lois when he is invited by Quagmire to play at an exclusive golf course. Instead of telling Lois about the golf, he sends her on a fake, time consuming scavenger hunt.

On the golf course Peter is struck by lightning and is visited by Death. Although Peter isn’t going to die, Death takes Peter back to his courtship of Lois to remind him of his love for his wife and not take it for granted.

Death returning is always fun as Adam Corolla is great. A great episode that shows the dynamics of Lois and Peter’s relationship and their “origin story” was really welcome. Death’s mother makes an appearance and she is voiced by the talented and funny Estelle Harris, perfectly capturing Death’s overbearing mother.

Grade: A

Season 3 Episode 7 “Lethal Weapons”

It’s nearly fall in Quahog and that means the “leafers” from New York are about to visit the city to see the leaves change. On the ride home from church Meg and Chris get into an argument. Lois says that if they don’t stop, then they will not go to McDonald’s. Which Peter says not to worry they are still going. But when they get their apple pies, they can’t blow on them.

Lois frustrated that Peter contradicts everything she says, goes with Bonnie to a Taijutsu class. Lois is a natural and becomes a black belt.

At home Peter gets into a fight with a “leafer”. Lois comes outside and knocks the “leafer” out in one punch, naturally Peter tries to exploit this.

Lois soon beats her teacher in combat but is horrified to learn that Stewie is learning violence from after he hits Peter in the head with a baseball bat.

A really solid episode, with a few minor snags. Lois is given an episode to shine and Alex Bornstein does not disappoint, giving a funny and winning vocal performance. My favorite joke is when Stewie believes he catches Lois on tape referring to herself as a bad parent. When he plays it back it’s just him doing a radio show.

Grade: B+

Season 3 Episode 8 “The Kiss Seen Around the World”

Meg has a crush on local newsman Tom Tucker. She is delighted to learn that Channel 5 Quahog is looking for interns. She applies. She is chosen after the female anchor, Diane Simmons thinks all the other girls are too pretty and feels threatened.

To Meg’s dismay, Tom Tucker has chosen her secret admirer, Neil Goldman.

Meg and Neil are sent on assignment when the Mass Media Murderer is at City Hall threatening to kill Hugh Downs. After the Mass Media Murderer disposes of Hugh Downs, he sets he sights on Neil and Meg. Fearing she will die, Meg kisses Neil. Hugh Downs returns and takes care of the Mass Media Murderer. But Meg is horrified when her kiss to Neil is broadcasted on the news.

Stewie is given a tricycle and has it stolen from a bully. When the police don’t help, he takes matters into his own hands.

After a string of really good episodes, “The Kiss Seen Around the World” doesn’t quite deliver. Mila Kunis as Meg is solid but the episode is just ok. Faring better is Stewie’s small but funny and dark subplot involving the bully. Maybe the biggest misstep is the running joke of some random dude showing up and calling Peter a phony, it’s just obnoxious.

Grade: C