Better late than never, right? I said I was going to post my hypothesis of what “The Dark Knight Rises” would turn out to be and, a mere hours away from the premiere, I finally got a chance to write up what I assume will be the plot of this final Nolan-universe Batman film. It’s completely unnecessary at this point but… dammit! I said I was going to do this on the show and I’m going to follow through with the goals that I set! So let’s find out how well this Batman fan knows how to judge a couple trailers! And if (when) I get it wrong, people can write/call the show and make me feel like an idiot about it, regret posting this, and convince me to burn my Batman comics because I don’t deserve them. Here we go…

Shortly after the Joker terrorizes Gotham, the GCPD still hunts for Batman. Batman keeps a low profile as he continues to protect the city… until The League of Shadows returns! This time they’ve employed brains and brawn in the form of Bane. Bane storms Gotham in “Knightfall” fashion by orchestrating a prison break that draws Batman out of hiding when Gordon is seriously injured during the mayhem. When Batman tries to confront Bane, he gets bent in half and left for dead (not paralyzed, just seriously injured).

With Batman out of the way, Bane turns Gotham into a “No Man’s Land” by demolishing anything and everything related to Gotham’s wealthy elite, revealing Wayne Enterprises as supplying terrorists, instigating class-warfare and calling upon the have-nots to RISE up against the 1%, and exposing the GCPD cover-up of Harvey Dent’s rampage. Then it’s up to brave citizens and a few GCPD officers (John Blake) to restore order to Gotham until Batman returns. They do this under the mantle of The Bat, combating the criminals and terrorists that have laid siege to the city on a smaller scale. Once Batman is healed, he brings out the “big guns” in the form of his new vehicle, The Bat.

But during this process, he discovers Wayne Enterprises board member, Miranda Tate is Talia Al Ghul and she’s been using her position at the company to secretly fund the League of Shadows with money and weapons. From there on out it’s all out war between the heroes and villains of Gotham, which includes Catwoman, who Batman has convinced to become a reluctant ally. Batman eventually figures out how to dispatch Bane (probably by destroying the apparatus that’s keeping him alive) but dies while fighting Ra’s Al Ghul, who is shockingly revealed at the end of the film, then reminding Bruce of the League of Shadows’ plans to burn Gotham to the ground (this time through fear AND economics!) But it’s the legend of The Batman that prevails as citizens RISE to defeat Ra’s in some way that I still haven’t figured out.

Okay, so, it’s not the most coherent summary you’ve ever read for a movie, but I’ve only got pieces of trailers to work with here! Let the trolling commence…

The Dark Knight Rises comes to theaters in 11 hours and counting…

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